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Enter the Damon: The Awakening Part 8

February 17, 2009

Dear Diary, ~*Elena*~ hasn’t written in Blue Velvet in AGES.  We must remedy this immediately by starting the chapter with a little recap.

~*Elena*~ has decided not to press charges against Tyler, which bugs me.  However, he’s been punished by being suspended and kicked off the football team, as is his partner in crime, who’s now being blamed for assaulting Vickie Bennett–well, that’s how the rumor’s going right now.  Tyler’s all busted up, and Our Homecoming Queen is worried about Stefan.

Stefan Stefan Stefan.  ~*Elena*~’s usual warped priorities are in order, as her boyfriend comes before anything that could possible matter in the world: food, doing well in school, activities like running the Halloween whatsis.  Also, ~*Elena*~ has no concept that adults have heard of attraction or sex or anything, because she makes a comment about “giving the secretaries a thrill.”  Jeez, add in a librarian and you’ve got a working cliche.  I mean, seriously, I know I, as a thirty-something woman, am all dried up and only feel something when I see angsty and self-involved teenagers making out.  Oh wait…

Another comment of ~*Elena*~’s that bugs me: “Now I just have to find a way to explain all this to Jean-Claude.  Ha-ha.”

Dear Diary, ~*Elena*~ came back from Europe with a make-believe romance and dumped the beloved football captain (who, now that I think about it, has no other friends in the entire book but ~*Elena*~ and the guy ~*Elena*~ likes, huh), and now is dumping her fake European lovemonkey for a new European lovemonkey.  AND YET SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER REPUTATION WHEN STEFAN DISSED HER AT THE DANCE.  I’d be more worried about her reputation for dumping guys like Kleenex when the next one comes around.

“What I don’t understand is why Stefan isn’t as happy about it as I am.”  Why can’t boys be more like girls?  Whyyyy?  “When we’re with each other I can feel how he feels, and I know how much he wants me, how much he cares.”  It’s like an odd version of her superpower.  THE POWER TO KNOW HOW MEN FEEL ABOUT HER.  “There’s an almost desperate hunger inside him when he kisses me–” I AM PURE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HORMONES “–blah blah OMG the teacher caught me.”

More comments on how teachers are dried up old prunes.  Well, in ~*Elena’s*~ defense, the woman’s title is MISS.  How pathetic can you get?  No boyfriend, even though you’re a grown-up?  Poor, poor thing.

letsgoshopping“I’m too happy to care about minor things like flunking trigonometry.”

Yes, that’s a direct quote.

Blah blah blah Stefan Stefan Stefan, he doesn’t jump me, what’s wrong with him/me/him?  But here is the story of “The Apricot Ribbon,” which teenagers will tell for centuries, alongside Romeo and Juliet and Twilight.  And here is some bitching about Caroline.

I’m starting to wonder if I like Caroline more than I should.  After all, she goes after what she wants, is annoyed with ~*Elena*~’s self-obsession (GO TEAM CAROLINE), and ultimately is “dated” and dumped by Stefan because she’s “safe.”  What girl wants to hear she’s safe?  No one wants to be an unknowing beard.  ~*Elena*~ says some crappy things about Caroline while also saying that Stefan won’t speak much about her, because of his GENTLEMANLY WAYS (PUNCH PUNCH), so we know these crappy things are all ~*Elena*~-generated.  Wait for why this bugs me.  Wait briefly.

“I wonder why Stefan hasn’t been eating lunch, though.  It’s strange in a football player.”

Let’s just let that go by, because it’s supposed to keep the vampire thing at the forefront.

~*Elena*~ almost gets caught again with the notebook, and everyone’s all “OH ~*ELENA*~.”  Everyone knows she’s writing in a journal, not taking notes.  This is important, of course, as everything is, which is why these recaps are never short.

Then she babbles a bit about how she REALLY wants to ditch her responsibilities toward the Haunted House thing her school does every year, but she can’t because she promised, and she’s in charge now, but boo hoo, it takes time away from Stefan.  STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN.  She even thinks briefly about quitting the committee, but she knows that would be Wrong, and besides, Matt told her she was self-involved.  Gawd, doesn’t he know that she’s not that way anymore?  She’s STEFAN-involved.  That’s TOTES DIFFERENT.  Okay so here we got with that previously-held why-I’m-annoyed thing:

…I’m not going to let [my insane levels of self-involvement] be true anymore.  I want–oh, this is going to sound completely stupid [yes], but I want to be worthy of Stefan.  I know he wouldn’t let the guys on the team down just to suit his own convenience [but he would punch them].  I want him to be proud of me.

Well, it’s a damn good thing she got all of that cattiness out about Caroline before she made this vow, or she’d look downright foolish.

Okay, well, we’re going to keep an eye on ~*Elena’s*~ continuing plan to better herself.  I think it begins by…being attracted to another man.

So we switch scenes to more ~*Elena*~.  Thank God.  It’s not like anyone else should ever get any perspective time in this chapter.

“COME ON” says Bonnie.

“BUT IF STEFAN DOESN’T KNOW WHERE I AM, I’LL BE LEFT OPEN TO MEETING ANOTHER EUROPEAN MAN WHO COULD STEAL MY HEART” says ~*Elena*~.

“SHUT UP” says Bonnie, “callously,” making it difficult to tell her apart from Meredith.

“HELLO JANITOR” says ~*Elena*~, who then receives a wink.  It’s okay cuz it’s from a guy.

“HELLO I AM MEREDITH” says Meredith.

“LOCK YOURSELVES IN TIGHT GIRLS” says Janitor.

“I AM SCARED” says Bonnie.

“I AM BORED” says Alana.

I think Mr Shelby should by played in the TV show by Janitor from Scrubs.  It’s type-casting, I know, but Dr Itor should cross over onto every show.  He should be a Doll in the Dollhouse.  He should give Jarod a run for his money on The Pretender.  He should’ve been on Saved by the Bell as Mr Belding’s wacky brother, Jan Belding.

Turns out that, because of the attacks, they are moving the yearly Haunted House from the local lumberyard warehouse (oh okay) to the gym.  There’s about a page of them measuring and deciding.  We learn that Coach Lyman will be the Bloody Corpse, as he was last year, and Bonnie suggests Druids.

Now, if you’ve read these books before, and I know you have, you probably can’t hear the word “Druid” without hearing “droo-id” in your head.  It’s un-freakin-possible.  Bonnie says it like three times, but it’s there forever, DROO-id DROO-id DROO-id.  I laugh to this day every time someone says Druid.

Anyway, for the completely ignorant, Druids, like, INVENTED Halloween, Bonnie says.  And we get a whole mini-paragraph of that.  Makes you wonder if Ms Smith is pagan or just one of those annoying hippie types who wears a lot of sweaters with wolves on them.  And tie-dye.  And unicorns.  And listens to Stevie Nicks a lot.

But it is decided that Coach Lyman will be the Bloody Corpse (is this a common thing elsewhere?  I’ve never heard of it) and he’ll be a Druid sacrifice.  Jumping up when you walk by, EEK!  And all that.  I hate Haunted Houses.

Oh, then Meredith makes another risque comment because they can hear sounds coming from the boys’ locker room.  I have to take back everything I said about Meredith not having a defining characteristic: she’s sex-obsessed.  Great going there, author.

~*Elena*~ asks for gossip on Vickie and Bonnie says she’s going to see “a psychiatrist.”

“A shrink? Why” ~*Elena*~ asks, making me wonder why I had such issues with seeing someone after my own sexual assault.

A SHRINK.  You’re doing great with that whole new goal thing, ~*Elena*~.

Bonnie explains that Vickie has nightmares and they think she hallucinated during her experience.  ~*New Thoughtful Elena*~’s response?  “Oh.”

0 for 3.  Is that where we are at this point?  Or was that 4?

~*Elena*~ vetoes the idea of a graveyard (okay, I guess, but it’s classic!) and then the lights go dim, then out, then dim.

OH SHI-

Meredith is like “Bonnie and I will go find Jan Itor” and ~*Elena’s*~ all “Oh but it’s scary here” but the door has been locked the whole time so it’s cool, right?

Right?

~*Elena*~ decides to do busywork in the dark to distract herself from a case of the creepies, and her superpower kicks in.

SOMEONE IS LOOKING AT HER.

~*Elena*~ always knows when someone is looking at her.

Okay, so then there’s a fog.  There’s a fog in the gymnasium.  Unlike stupid horror movies, she knows she has to get out.  Like stupid horror movies, she can’t move.  I’d like to believe that I would move.  Fast.  Really freakin’ fast.  But she’s also being held “by some nameless force.”  Fine.  I forgive you.

The fog turns into a guy, who says he’s sorry he frightened her but he doesn’t sound sorry, and he has an accent.

And…he’s hot.  “Remarkably good-looking,” guys.  “Those cheekbones were a sculptor’s dream.”  WET dream, am I right?  But seriously, folks, we all know this is, like, one of the most important scenes of the series, because it has Damon in it.  And Damon was our dream: tall, dark, and dangerous.  Stefan was a pasty moron compared to his brother, who knew what he wanted and tried to take it.

Yes yes, we all thought that, but we were tweens.  Let’s see what’s going on now, with grown-up goggles on:

I think I’m starting to see a pattern here when it comes to my old eyes versus my young eyes.  My young eyes were more involved, more romantic, more foolish.  My old(er?) eyes see the same thing I saw in the Stefan/~*Elena*~ boarding house scene: tight writing, tension.  In this case, sexy banter.  My old eyes see that Damon is asserting his Powers, whereas my younger self felt like it was just It between them.

I feel like there isn’t much I CAN say about this scene, except to go over what happens: Damon and ~*Elena*~ banter, and ~*Elena*~ almost kisses him, breaking his mind control at the last minute and flooding her brain with STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN.  Damon is pissed that she can do this, but impressed with her too.  He suggests to her that she’s special, which she could’ve told you ages ago, dude.  That’s really it.

There’s nothing here that gets you into Damon’s head.  But we have to remember, he’s fooled himself about a young woman before.

End of chapter ten.

Next up: GOOD GODDAMN WHEN IS STEFAN GOING TO LOSE HIS GIRLGINITY ALREADY???

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. trappedintheattic permalink
    February 18, 2009 9:58 am

    DAMON.

  2. Red permalink
    February 18, 2009 3:37 pm

    “My old eyes see that Damon is asserting his Powers, whereas my younger self felt like it was just It between them.”

    Having just been re-reading The Awakening and The Struggle, I have to agree with you completely here. In fact, it was only when LJS explicitly has Elena decide there’s an attraction between them that it actually starts to seem like that MIGHT be the case. The other encounters are very much all about Damon trying (and succeeding on many levels) to dominate her with his Powers. He only seems to actually stop when he realises she’s dunked herself in vervain and it’s not working.

    Anyhow, am amused as usual by this recap. 😀

    • bookslide permalink*
      February 18, 2009 6:42 pm

      Well, he’s attractive and NOT POOR. So he’s gotta stand a chance at some point, right? Matt’s attractive but poor, Tyler’s unattractive (personality-wise at the very least) and rich, and there are like no other guys in the whole town really, so it’s inevitable that she’s gotta at least put him up on her imaginary Scales of Boyfriend-Worthiness.

  3. lisa permalink
    February 18, 2009 5:33 pm

    Makes you wonder if Ms Smith is pagan or just one of those annoying hippie types who wears a lot of sweaters with wolves on them. And tie-dye. And unicorns. And listens to Stevie Nicks a lot.

    You have seen her website, right? Snerk.

    • bookslide permalink*
      February 18, 2009 6:39 pm

      Once, ages ago. I’m blocking it out, but the back of my brain is pushing forward a picture of a unicorn…

  4. trappedintheattic permalink
    February 19, 2009 9:51 am

    It’s a picture of Smith WITH a unicorn.

  5. bookslide permalink*
    February 19, 2009 8:35 pm

    OF COURSE IT IS, LISS.

    I swear, it’s like I’m teaching myself your name is Melissa, because I almost just called you that. THAT IS NOT YOUR NAME. DUH. But I wanted something more stern-sounding. OF COURSE IT IS, LISSLA?

  6. trappedintheattic permalink
    February 20, 2009 8:05 am

    You can call me anything, just not “Chick with a picture of herself WITH a unicorn”.

    • bookslide permalink*
      February 20, 2009 8:46 am

      Oh, this needs to be remedied.

      Maybe at Dave & Buster’s, there will be a machine that dispenses unicorn plushies so we can change that.

      Oh God, it would be too too hilarious to do a parody picture for the blog like that. No no no that would be wrong. Y/N??

  7. trappedintheattic permalink
    February 23, 2009 7:47 am

    NO. That can NEVER be wrong.

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