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Night World: Secret Vampire Part 5

April 28, 2009

Of course, last night I was lying in bed so excited about my trip I didn’t sleep, even though I was so tired.  Right now, I am posting this from a motel in York, PA, filled with chocolate and pretzels from Wolfgang Candy.  (For the record, the Hersey Cafe is unsurprisingly vegan unfriendly and I had some fries and, uh, nothing else.  Then all the chocolate.  WHEEEEEEEDIZZY.  But I didn’t want to let you down.)

Alana: Liss.

Alana: My dear, my love, my book sister.

Alana: I think this is a ghostwriter.

Liss: Noooooooo

Alana: Because Sarah said that Nightfall was a return to the “old” way of writing.

Alana: Unicorn-writing.

Alana: So I got to thinking. How could TVD be SO BAD and this be SO GOOD?

Alana: And I’ve decided: It’s a ghostwriter.

Liss: I refuse to believe it.

Alana: Give me one tiny shred of proof that this is written by the “And then Meredith and Elena are in bondage!” lady.

Liss: She’s gotten into bondage lately. She’s excited about her new pursuits.

Alana: Oh no, not clever hypotheses. (And how does bondage fit in with unicorns?) PROOF.

Liss: Well, that I can’t do.

Alana: Sigh. Ghostwriter.

Alana: On the other hand, this book still rocks, so yay. I’ll thank whoever for whatever that this book rocks. Case in point: The “Big Reveal” of Miss Emma? Totally doesn’t happen here in the beginning of the chapter.

Liss: No, it does not.

Alana: Poppy doesn’t wait for the Grand Story that’s going to bond their souls together. She’s like “Nope, you didn’t do it on purpose; move along.”

Liss: Let me try and understand you better, now that I’m starting to learn about the “real” you.

Alana: Poppy already knows James.

Liss: But this explains a lot.

Alana: I love that James is UPSET that Poppy gets him–has always gotten him.

Alana: It’s not this rapture–“My darling, I love you because you’re the only person who understands me!”

Liss: Poppy does try to get James to say that he loves her. But no, he doesn’t.

Alana: Oh, but she thinks he doesn’t hear her.

Alana: He HAS to hear her.

Alana: She’s a psychic volcano.

Alana: James be frontin’.

Liss: I’m sorry, what was that? LOL

Alana: I watched Static Shock this morning, okay? White people writing black characters. Woot.


Alana: I figure by the time we’re done these recaps, you will have a whole FULL FAKE NAME for when I want to sound schoolmarm-ish. MELISSA SOMETHING-SOMETHINGSON. Very British.

Liss: Niiiice

Liss: Poppy changes the music, since they’re about to exchange blood, they are not at a rave.

Alana: Skippy music, though! Hee! Like Gompie! [I swear I remember them having more than one song, but the internet suggests otherwise.]

Liss: I can see Poppy’s dancing in my head. Stompy stompy giddy kick!

Alana: You know what? Never mind.

Alana: You know where Smith is? In the cheese.

Alana: His eyes “were like windows to some other place, someplace distant and magical.”

Alana: In other words, he bites her.

Alana: And Smith says it “hurt good.”

Alana: God, that turn of phrase. I’m back on Team Ghostwriter.

Alana: Ooh, unless this is her kinky side coming out. Liss: They have the hangings on the bed down, it’s all so sexy.


Alana: She also says “guest lecturer voice” which is my favorite three-word phrase in the whole chapter. That’s the voice I use when I call you Melissa! Even though your name is so not Melissa!

Liss: I have so many names.

Alana: Ooh, I have in my notes: “We should digress and talk about what CD we’d want to get vamped to.” But obviously, there’s no discussion to have: motherfuckin’ Portishead.

Liss: Repo! soundtrack!

Liss: hahahahahahaha

Liss: Or Massive Attack.

Alana: I was going to say, at the very least, the Massive Attack song with Liz Fraser, “Teardrop.” [I always forget that’s the House theme because I don’t watch House.  Well, screw you guys; I’ve been listening to that song for WAY before Gregory House came long.]  You know, I learned the first line to that this very week? I thought it was “Love isn’t fair” but it’s “Love is a verb.” That’s one interesting accent you have there, Liz.

Alana: Cocteau Twins would also be acceptable.

Alana: So basically anything I turn on when I’m having sex. OH NO, VAMPING ISN’T A METAPHOR.


Alana: You know, Liss, chicks dig metaphors. I heard a song about it once.

Alana: Maybe that’s why we’re so into vampire books.

Liss: It must be

Alana: So James is all sucking on her, and he’s telling her psychically that it’s a construct, basically.

Alana: James, don’t be a twit.

Liss: To be fair, that’s what he knows. He’s not letting himself admit that it’s anything else, yet.

Alana: Twit.

Liss: There’s a lot of “clinging together” as waves sweep them and whatnot.

Alana: He says she’s a strong telepath.

Liss: I do have some icky feelings towards the line “It doesn’t matter if he won’t say he loves me–we’re bonded now.”

Alana: Oh, well, yeah. That’s an issue. But I don’t think it’s necessarily a THING here.

Alana: We’re not talking about people who are two weeks into their relationship.

Alana: We’re talking about someone who, if he says the words, could seal BOTH their death warrants.

Liss: Granted, but that’s a sticky line.

Alana: I’d say this comes way more from a place of fear than a place of fear of intimacy.

Alana: True.

Alana: James has been ordered to NOT love the non-family people closest to him all his life.

Liss: Coming as it does after James’ whole “It’s just the blood bond, it happens, don’t overthink it”, it makes Poppy look like she’s grasping at straws.

Alana: That’s a valid point.

Alana: And also a point for Team Smith.

Alana: On the other hand, we’re about to hit a very weak, delusional Poppy, so it could be read as a lead-in.

Liss: Ah, true.

Alana: Would Poppy usually stand for such things?

Liss: She would not.

Alana: If it is, it’s a little sloppy on the wording, I admit.

Alana: But he DOES call her a good telepath, so I’m saying he TOTALLY heard her earlier.

Alana: And they briefly discuss what needs to happen next–she needs to take his blood. And while they’re preparing for this exchange…

Liss: Knock knock knock!

Alana: Phil is the ultimate cock-blocker.

Alana: I LOVE this part, because it’s hilarious.

Liss: Oh, that knock. We all know that knock.

Alana: I also love that when he starts flipping it’s in “a voice that would have gotten him the lead role in The Ten Commandments.”

Liss: Oh Phil

Alana: Poppy’s practically paralyzed from the lack of blood–physically, mentally.

Alana: And James says “You have the wrong idea” and Phil’s like “THE HELL YOU SAY!”

Liss: Hahahhahahaha

Alana: Admittedly, the scene does look a little suspicious. But Poppy rightly points out that they’re ON the bed, not IN the bed, which…hee.

Alana: Poppy, you can do it ON the bed.

Liss: And Phil mentions he and James’ “deal”.

Alana: Poppy goes nuts.

Liss: Phil drops the “pretending” word.

Alana: I like that the book says “Everyone made mistakes then. Later, Poppy would realize that if any of them had kept their heads, what happened next could have been avoided. But none of them did.”

Alana: Because this is very true, and a good point to make.

Liss: It’s true, they’re all too upset and this is a bad scene for everyone.

Alana: Everyone is acting really nuts here. I think it’s a line that puts things in perspective–I mean, usually I’d say “SHOW, not tell” but in this case the author (whoever that may be) is specifically telling the audience, “This isn’t high drama. This is people being stupid because they’re upset.”

Liss: Phil has the wrong idea and is overreacting, James is being super-defensive, and Poppy is picking up on all of the wrong things, like “stupid” and “pretending”.

Alana: The thing is, Phil is Mr Straight Arrow, so if he says James said something, it’s probably true.

Liss: Phil never lies, which, to poor upset Poppy, means that James must be.

Alana: So she loses it all over the place, including saying some very ill-conceived comments about him not saying he loved her even though he did “all that other stuff” which, ha, is some Pretty Woman shit right there. Poor Phil.

Liss: I do love when Poppy mentions that James would do “all that other stuff”, but never kissed her or told her that he loved her. What an unfortunate choice of wording.

Alana: Hee, we’re thought-twins.

Liss: We so are!

Alana: I promise to stop typing when I can obviously see that you’re typing.

Liss: And what is a brother to do then, but kick some ass?

Alana: Did you ever see Dream a Little Dream?

Liss: I think so?

Alana: It’s the second greatest of the Corey movies. There’s all this plot stuff I’m not going to get into, but Lainie Diamond’s mom and her date or boyfriend or whatever completely flip out that Corey Feldman wants to talk to her (cuz he’s not “suitable”) and they actually DRUG LAINIE so she can’t see him.

Alana: This is the opposite of this.

Alana: Mad props to Cliff through this whole scene.

Liss: He gets more squared-jaw.

Liss: I think Cliff’s a Green Lantern


Liss: they’re always particularly square-jawed.

Alana: He DOESN’T tell Poppy what she can do.

Alana: He DOESN’T try to insinuate himself into a position of authority.

Alana: He’s the voice of reason here.

Alana: I love that Cliff doesn’t say “You’re b&!” He says “Everyone needs a cooling-off period.”

Alana: James is going nuts too though, because he totally throws Phil across the room or something.

Alana: OMG COULD MY PHONE RING ANY MORE [I took a break here to talk to my mom.  Who, admittedly, I’d called first.  But for some reason EVERYONE called me while we were doing this.]


Alana: Yes, it was James. He wanted me to hang up on him 40 times, which is what happens after James gets asked to leave the North/Cliff household.

Liss: And he keeps calling

Liss: Poppy has a private line, that I would have *killed* for as a teen.

Alana: I had one!

Alana: I HAD ONE!

Liss: Ooooooooooooo

Alana: And a neon phone!

Liss: HA!

Alana: Poppy hangs up like a chick on a sitcom, let me tell you.

Liss: Over and over.

Alana: My notes say “Hee, don’t hang up.” Okayyyy, Alana.

Liss: She’s paranoid and foggy from the change.

Alana: Also, remember before when I complained about her friends having no names? For some reason, there are names here. “She felt like ____ at ____’s party when she drank all that beer” or whatnot.

Liss: Hey, true.

Alana: That struck me as weird, as did the name “Jan Nedjar.”

Alana: Maybe someone won a contest.

Liss: It seems like that.

Alana: James points out that, while he did say those words to Phil, he did not actually mean them. Good point. It IS pretty easy for James to lie to Phil. They are NOT buddies.

Liss: However, poor confused and sickly Poppy only hears the “Yeah, I said it” part, and hangs up.

Alana: She goes by in a daze. Really, that’s all we have to say for the whole page, except maybe that everyone thinks it’s part and parcel of her illness, her deterioration, and Cliff has to fix her dresser and makes a comment on James’s unusual strength.

Alana: Oh wait no, she can also hear conversations from far away, so she’s changing.

Alana: In the next and final scene of the chapter, James is beating himself because he hadn’t dropped the L-bomb on Poppy.

Liss: So he goes to see his momma.

Liss: Who gives him an air-kiss. UGH.

Alana: Yeahhhh. She’s…something.

Alana: I hate her.

Liss: James got a message from his mom, which is why he came over.

Alana: Oh, his house. Skylights but with drapes on all of them. What is that woman thinking?

Alana: I thought she was an interior designer!

Liss: Crimson suede couch?

Liss: Ugh.

Liss: AND a red floor lamp. It’s an opium den!

Alana: The red is to signify blood. Or the womb. No wonder James was miserable there.

Alana: I think that it’s probably more that red sets off her black hair, white skin, and silver eyes.

Liss: She talks to him about Poppy, and reads his mind while she’s at it, but James manages to throw her off.

Alana: I love all the similes he has for his mother. He REALLY doesn’t like her.

Alana: She’s like a snake, like an insect.

Alana: I bet she doesn’t feed much so she can keep her trim figure.

Liss: Eh, she is a Redfern.

Liss: Before James leaves, she tells him that his cousin WILL be visiting.

Alana: Ash.

Liss: ASH

Alana: He wants to stay at James’s place, and James thinks, “Over my unbreathing body.” HEE!

Liss: Hee hee hee

Alana: James has the best one-liners in this thing.

Liss: James considers calling Poppy again, but decides to do something else instead. So he parks the car near her place and waits until he sees Phil leaving.

Alana: Speaking of one liners… “Hi Phil. Nice to see you.”

Alana: They couldn’t have made THIS into a show? COME ON PEOPLE.

Liss: It wouldn’t have focused enough on these two, and anthology shows are hit or miss.

Alana: You have to pay too many actors, I guess.

Liss: Yeah.

Alana: Boo.

Liss: Phil drives off and James follows him and that’s the chapter.

Liss: Ooooooooooo

Alana: Chapter 8!

Liss: Phil’s down at the 7-11.

Alana: I bet he never goes to Wal-Mart, never K-Mart.

Liss: Target

Liss: As Phil is leaving the 7-11 (wishing it were Target), James jumps him.

Alana: And puts him in the “classic frisking position.”

Alana: And a thousand fan fics begin…

Liss:  🙂

Liss: James tells Phil that he’s got the wrong idea about him, and that he CAN save Poppy.

Alana: Phil’s like “But I want to punch your face in, mostly!”

Liss: And James is all “Let me show you what Poppy and I were doing”.

Alana: RAWR!

Alana: And a thousand fan fics…kidding.

Liss: No, I can see it.

Liss: James does the “pulling Phil’s head back and baring his fangs” thing, and it’s all very Lestat and Louis.

Liss: And this is all happening out back of the 7-11, by a Dumpster.

Alana: Classy!

Alana: Poor Phil.

Alana: You know, Phil gets off some good one-liners too, mainly insults, but still.

Alana: He calls James “Don Juan.” Hee!

Liss: Being Phil, you know he pronounced it “Joo-an” and it was a Byron reference.

Alana: Phil is so freaked out, bless his unbeliever’s heart.

Alana: He goes all Christian on him. If he’d had a cross, he would’ve pulled it out.

Alana: Dammit, I said “pulled it out.” AND A THOUSAND FAN FICS BEGIN.

Liss: He says that James cannot turn Poppy into a vampire.

Alana: No, it’d be Wrong.

Liss: Because what James is is Unnatural and Wrong.

Alana: I love when Phil tries to lecture James on humanity.

Alana: “You’ll find out.”

Alana: Uh…what?

Liss: Oh boys.

Alana: Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but Ms Smith makes a ROCKY HORROR REFERENCE here, yes?

Liss: Where? Where?

Alana: “You won’t find earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.”

Alana: It’s Dr Scott, yes?

Liss: Oh my stars…it is.

Liss: James tells Phil that Poppy needs more of his blood, or she’s going to die. And it won’t be pretty.

Liss: She’ll be a ghoul, basically.

Alana: Ah, the story of Miss Emma. I love that James is like “I cannot believe I am finally telling someone this story and it’s Phil Freakin’ North.”

Liss: Oh, Miss Emma Story.

Liss: Every vampire character in an RPG gets a backstory like this somewhere.

Alana: Proving once again that James’s parents are the biggest dicks in the entire universe.

Liss: Someone that they killed by accident when they were starting out, and now they’re SUCH! TORTURED! VAMPIRES!

Liss: But yeah, James’ parents are dicks.

Alana: Well, he was four. That’s a lot of internalized guilt.

Liss: True, most vamps aren’t ever children.

Liss: Or not children that grow up.



Alana: Aw, man, we skipped a bunch of good lines, like James saying “You watched me grow up! I have Wheaties for breakfast!” And Phil is like “But what do you have a midnight snack?”

Alana: If James isn’t dating, who is he feeding off of, by the way?

Liss: The homeless? One-night stands? Giselle?

Alana: Ugh, Giselle.

Liss: Or, Crazy Nancy, as she is in my head.

Alana: Hee, Crazy Nancy.

Alana: So the story of Miss Emma goes something like “I was little, my parents purposely starved me, then sent Miss Emma up to my room.”

Liss: Poor little James attacked Miss Emma.

Alana: Unfortunately, James was old enough to understand how vamping worked, but not old enough to do it properly because then Miss Emma turned into…a walking corpse.

Alana: Too bad Pride & Prejudice & Zombies isn’t Emma & Zombies, or else we could make a great joke here.

Liss: HA

Alana: Ugh, James tells Phil a few precautionary things to do if Phil doesn’t let James vamp Poppy the rest of the way. Including carrying a stake. That’s the less gross one.

Liss: Ughghghghhggh

Liss: The more gross one, btw, was not to allow an autopsy of Poppy, because she’d be walking around without her internal organs.

Alana: ANYWAY!

Liss: The People need to know!

Alana: Phil unfortunately is like “I’m going to reveal your secret to everyone!”

Alana: James is all “Shit, by law I’d have to kill him now. Except I’m James Dean, and I don’t play by the rules. So I’m going to warn him.”

Liss: He warns Phil that the Night People are “all around you”, which was also the tagline for Kindred: The Embraced.

Alana: Oh ha.

Alana: Phil threatens to tell the mayor, and James is like “You don’t know, the mayor could be one of us.” Silly James, everyone knows the Mayor is actually a giant snake.

Liss: And you’re all in for a doozy of a graduation.

Alana: God, he was the best.

Liss: “Who wants a root beer float?”

Alana: “Some lucky girl has herself an X-Box!”

Liss: HA! I loved that part.

Alana: Oh, the Mayor and Faith. So amazing.

Liss: James is seriously depressed now, guys. Everything is wroooong. Poppy’s in more trouble now, Phil hates him, he hates himself sometimes..,

Alana: Ugh, a moment of emo. Or elmo, if you watched Dollhouse this week. And you should have, even though it was written by Joss Whedon’s brother and therefore was kinda lame. Nepotism, guys: Don’t do it.

Liss: Phil goes to replace Poppy’s snacks, which are cranberry juice and cherry popsicles. No V8?

Alana: Not bright red enough.

Alana: He realizes that she wants things that are red. Red like blood. Bloody bloody blood.

Liss: V8 is thick and salty like blood.

Alana: Oh God, thanks for reaffirming my belief that I will never touch V8 again.

Liss: Hee! I love V8.


Liss: Phil heads home to see Poppy, who doesn’t really want her popsicles, and who looks worse and worse.

Alana: Poppy’s mom and Cliff are so worried about her being so pale and freaky-acting that they want to get her a nurse. I love that throwaway line. It gives a sense of realness to the scene.

Liss: Her eyes are the only things that seem alive about her face.

Alana: Phil is sad because their real dad’s nicknames for her were all energy-based: Kilowatt, Everready.

Alana: Those are some crappy nicknames, by the way.

Liss: They’re very “Dad” nicknames, though.

Alana: I dunno. My dad’s only nickname for me is to pronounce my name like it’s Spanish–Alaña.

Alana: Phil brings up James’s name to see what Poppy’s reaction is, and it’s characteristically (at least for recently) batty.

Liss: Phil tells Poppy that he knows what James is, and she’s all “He’s a reptile! He better not come around here!”

Alana: Rar *slash!*

Alana: She so crazy.

Liss: And Phil realizes it.


Alana: The pages are falling out now.

Alana: Did I mention Daughters of Darkness barely has a cover now?

And Harry Potter says something like “HARRY AND GOBLET”?

Liss: hahahahhaa

Liss: Tough love

Alana: This is tough to navigate.

Liss: Poppy’s in complete denial.

Alana: But Phil has a good idea: to ask her what she wanted BEFORE she went crazy.

Liss: Poppy says that she just didn’t want to die.

Alana: And Phil knows exactly what he needs to do for his beloved sister.

Alana: ❤ Phil

Liss: He goes to see James.

Alana: He’s never been there before! Unsurprisingly.

Liss: James’ apartment has stacks of CDs and books, very boy.

Alana: Uh…okay, I was going to say “So does mine” but mine are all in binders. In alphabetical order. OR ELSE.

Alana: Er, the CDs anyway. The bookshelves are a little messier but only because we don’t have space for another one right now.

Liss: James, though, get some shelves. You’re a rich kid!

Liss: Or if you’re OMG too proud to take their money, get some bricks and boards.

Alana: “All the rich kids in San Francisco have nannies.” – James. So, by his own definition, rich. And therefore rich enough to have shelves.

Alana: I think it’s probably his rebellion against his “interior decorator” mother.

Liss: I’m rebelling against your style, MOM.

Alana: “You know, for an interior decorator, she makes a great vampire!”

Liss: IKEA

Alana: IKEA is my beloved.

Liss: Mine too. I have an IKEA apartment, totally.

Liss: Phil gives James a speech about how he can’t help what he is, and on and on

Alana: OMG it’s sooo annoying.

Alana: I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing with this speech.

Liss: He’s uncomfortable and scared, so he’s babbling.

Alana: I know but still. IRRITATING

Alana: And then James is like “GET TO THE POINT” and Phil says “I want you to help my sister.”

Alana: THE END.


Alana: Phil has changed sides! [And a thousand fan fics…]

Alana: And from here, this thing had better gallop, because it feels like it should.

Liss: It will. And soon…ASH.

Alana: Okay, before we end, I’m going over my notes to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

Alana: And we did. There’s a part where James actually feels afraid of Phil.

Alana: Which is more foreshadowing.

Alana: And that’s kind of it. Yay.

Liss: Yay!

Alana: This ended lamely. I feel we should do something awesome.

Alana: Actually, I wasn’t crazy about that chapter in general. I felt it dragged compared to the other ones.

Liss: It’s filler to get us to the fun stuff

Alana: Filler is boring. Refer again to this week’s Dollhouse.

Liss: I don’t watch it.

Alana: You SHOULD.

Alana: It’s pretty darn cool.

Alana: Triggering as hell though.

Liss: I have sooo many shows

Alana: I know. I started watching Nodame Cantabile last night because I felt so ahead on my homework. The anime, not the live-action. And it’s sooo cute. BUT NO DARN YOU, THE TIME.

Alana: No seriously, we need something to make this ending way more awesome.

Alana: Think of something cool!

Liss: Pressure!!!

Alana: I think we should do a little dance.

Alana: Sing a little song.

Alana: Write something in Sparkletext or something.

Liss: Seeeeecreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaampiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire

Alana: “Yes, you are my love, James Rasmussen, flying in the face of science!”

Liss: Ha

Alana: I give up.

Alana: I’m going to do my homework. ❤

Liss: Okay! Night!

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Sam permalink
    April 29, 2009 11:58 am

    Sparkletext is amazing! It’s almost time for ASH. And THIERRY (mentioned briefly but makes my heart beat faster). I’m giddy!

    • bookslide permalink*
      April 29, 2009 12:55 pm

      Sparkletext should be a regular tag, so that I could do it more often.

  2. djr permalink
    April 29, 2009 2:58 pm

    I’ll just put this here…

  3. djr permalink
    April 29, 2009 2:59 pm

    D’oh. Don’t mind the line. Photo Shopping in MS Paint is hard.

  4. djr permalink
    April 29, 2009 3:06 pm

    Okay that line drove me nuts so I fixed the image. And now the awesomeness of the first comment is TOTALLY LOST for me, but IDGAF. I want you to have pretty pictures, not ugly ones.

    • bookslide permalink*
      April 29, 2009 3:11 pm

      Oh lol. You’re such a goof.

  5. Sam permalink
    May 1, 2009 6:59 am

    This: is a perfect song to play in the background during the James-Poppy-bed-with-hangings-around-them scene 🙂

    • bookslide permalink*
      May 1, 2009 7:07 am

      Oh, I have one of their free samplers. I keep meaning to check it out.

      But Poppy would strike it down as a contender for sure. Too “American.”

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