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The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle Part 9: Revelations, theirs and mine

August 5, 2009

This chapter begins with a bro-adtrip. (There’s no good way to write that. You keep wanting to say “broad trip” instead of bro …..dtrip.) Matt and Stefan have found their weeds! Stefan barely gives any lip service to some bs ideas as to why they’re getting the flowers, and Matt is glad cuz then he would’ve punched him. Which I would’ve paid to see. This would never work as a buddy cop movie, because it’d be good cop, good cop and that’s boring. So’s Stefan, who feels the bloom of bromance and acceptance in him. Good thing we’re not meant to think about the why and where of Stefan’s existance for the past couple hundred years, cuz otherwise we’d say “What took you so long to make a friend, dumbass?” GOOD THING.

Back at the McCullough house, ~*Elena*~ is remembering what we all already knew: Damon had already been invited during the dumb supper. It was sure dumb, all right. She decides to relocate this sleepover to her house and, considering what appears to the McCulloughs to be a bird-induced hysteria, no one argues too much. However, I would like to point out that although Our Snowflake wants to protect her bff, she sure isn’t giving a lot of thought to Mr. and Mrs. McCullough and Mary. Would a truly bad guy really want to ONLY hurt the blonde girl and her very closest friends, or everyone who comes in contact with them? I can’t tell if this is naive of ~*Elena*~ or illogical writing. Considering that no one ever thinks about the outside world (even PARIS when they’ve JUST GOTTEN BACK FROM THERE), I’m going to go with column B.

~*Elena*~ stares at her ceiling until the sun comes up and Matt’s junker is “wheezing” toward the house. WE GET IT; MATT IS POOR. IT IS WHAT MAKES HIM UNWANTABLE. STEFAN HAS MONEY. HE’S THE BETTER CHOICE. GAWD. Classist bullshit. ~*Elena*~ throws herself at Stefan, which surprises him, because they weren’t just making out in the hall at school the other day or anything, amirite?

Matt conks out on the couch–AND FUCKING *SNORES*–and Stefan whispers that he’s found the vervain and brought it to keep her safe. TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. This is my third read-through of the chapter in the past week, and it keeps getting more annoying every single time I read it. Not to mention the fact that it’s talking about a dead guy. (I crack me up.) ~*Elena*~ consciously decides not to tell Stefan that she’s been bitten, even though he’s specifically said that she can’t lose or exchange any more blood. She’s decided–FOR HIM–that if she tells him what happened, he’ll fly into a rage and die at his brother’s hand. So being lying and deceitful and ultimately causing your own death instead of, I dunno, staking the fuck out of Damon is somehow the “better” choice. But of course it makes her CRY, so we’re supposed to feel bad for her. I can’t remember the last time I felt bad for ~*Elena*~. Oh right. With rapist Tyler. Sigh.

Then Stefan, being just as much of an ass, says he’d leave if he thought that’s what would keep her safe. But Damon’s too obsessed. SO FUCKING KILL HIM ALREADY.

God, you’d think I’d been watching too much cable or something, with all the cursing. Sorry. This chapter is driving me crazy! This book is so up and down with being good, I swear. It’s plot heavy, which is good, but the characters are stupid and too insular to fall on a degree of “1” on a realism scale. The foreshadowing is great; the metaphors are cheesy. Compared to Secret Vampire, this book is utter crap, yet it goes on and on and on, or at least it feels that way when you have to recap it. KILL IT WITH FIRE. WITH FIRE. And by “it” I mean Damon. Sorry, Damon fans, but that’s what makes sense here, but Smith’s shying away from it. She likes Damon too much. She wants to maarrrryyy him. She’s desperate to redeem him which (spoiler) means she’s gotta make a BAD bad guy. Who I’m betting will, upon re-reading, make very little sense. But have been heavily foreshadowed.

Er, but I digress. Stefan gets Matt up to go home before Aunt Judith wakes, and Bonnie wakes up and talks about her dream: ~*Elena*~-but-not-~*Elena*~ looks cruel and wrings the neck of a crow. ~*Elena*~ thinks the dream is gross, but I think it should be a foreshadowing of things to come: either Katherine should kill Damon, or ~*Elena*~ should, but neither one happens. What a cop-out.

Oh, and by the way? Bonnie had this dream BEFORE the crow broke into her house. Because she’s psychic. Except this dream doesn’t come true in any way I remember, so…not psychic enough. Sorry, Bon.

*

It takes the girls another “note” from ~*Elena*~’s journal–this one posted to the personals of the school paper, and by the way, raise your hand if your school paper had a PERSONALS section–and about two pages to realize that the diary thief is, of course, Caroline. Way to go, Nancy Drews. At least they used some logic this time: who would be so petty, who doesn’t like ~*Elena*~, who knows the layout of the McCullough house. Also, how did everyone not trip over themselves in the McCullough house that night? That place was PACKED.

And suddenly, ~*Elena*~’s never been angrier. Really? Not when you almost got raped? Or when you realized that your boyfriend’s evil brother hurt him, drank his blood, and trapped him in a well? Or when your parents died? But no, THIS is the angriest-making thing of all: your bff turning on you. Except that, most likely, Caroline has ALWAYS been a self-involved, backstabbing bitch, but it was better for her to be nice to your face than horrible behind your back. Also, I would like to say that Caroline having green eyes is a little much for me. Sorry.

Because no one in this world does anything that isn’t pat, Caroline is still taking beaux to the photography room during lunch time. Good thing no one actually has classes then, or wants to catch up on their work. Um…Smith does realize that not everyone has the same lunch period in a high school right? ~*Elena*~ discovers Caroline there with Tyler, discussing in way too much detail the “plan”: ~*Elena*~ gets made “The Spirit of Fell’s Church” (oh, okay) and they pull out the diary and ruin ~*Elena*~ (for Caroline), Stefan (for Tyler), and hopefully the Fell family takes a hit as well (also Tyler). Tyler is still doing the same “MY family, MY town” stuff he was in the cemetery. Tyler berates Caroline for sending the notes and tells her not to do it again. Then they go at it. Er, you know, romantically. No details on how far they go, but since Caroline is not blonde or “virtuous,” I bet it’s at LEAST second base.

~*Elena*~ muses. She’s hurt by Caroline and surprised (REALLY??????) that Tyler’s more than just “an annoying jerk” and now she thinks her dream has serious meaning. Yeah, it’s called guilt. She also thinks about trying to tell the cops to go for Damon, not Stefan, but she knows they can’t handle the truth. Maybe they wouldn’t have to handle the truth. Maybe you could say “He’s on drugs, so he’s REALLY strong. And he’s worked with a mesmerist, so don’t look into his eyes or listen to anything he says.” Okay, it wouldn’t work.

SO STAKE HIM.

Then she dwells on her physical health–flu-y–and the chapter concludes on her promising to herself to get the diary back.

Next up: The plan to get back the diary, with unexpected results. Unless you really think about it.

*

Okay, so I said I wanted to ask you guys something, and I do, but I’m kind of embarrassed about it.  The closer we get to the date of the show’s premiere, the more I…want to recap it for Television Without Pity.  There, I said it.  It’s Not Done to email them and say, “Look, I’ve been recapping the books and I might be up there on a list of people who would be good for the job.”  Assuming they get the rights to recap and all that, of course.  Anyway, so the thing I want to ask you is…if you enjoy these recaps, could you maybe take a second out and drop them an email and tell them about me?  I’m not sure that’s any less tacky than me writing myself, but…I want to do it.  As always, thanks for reading, and the feedback, and meeting up with me during my road trip, and everything else great you guys have done.  You rock!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 5, 2009 4:03 pm

    I’ll write them! Is there anything specific you want me to mention in the email? Like your full name, a link to the site, other stuff?

    Btw, I want to strangle Elena soooooooo badly. She might be the WORST character I’ve ever read. But then I’m thinking that maybe a lot of self-absorbed people are probably just like this, right? I don’t know. I just hate her so much.

    Oh, and in my high school, we all had lunch the same period. My friend in NY had that whole “lunch during different periods” thing, and I remember thinking it was so weird, lol.

    • bookslide permalink*
      August 5, 2009 6:35 pm

      I didn’t have anything specific in mind. I felt like enough of a jerk just saying it.

      How many people were in your school? We had three or four lunch periods at mine, I think, because I remember one of them starting around 10:30, which was ridiculous.

      • August 5, 2009 7:25 pm

        We had like 5,000 people. We even had a thing like recess but it was called “snack” lmao. Memoriesssss.
        Don’t feel like a jerk. You’re really funny. Some people are snarky but mean. You’re hilarious 🙂

      • bookslide permalink*
        August 6, 2009 12:59 pm

        Well, the jerk part comes from the “Talk me up!” thing. I’d much rather people sort of do it on their own if they want to, but I realized that if I didn’t say anything, no one would know I want to do it in the first place so…best to talk about it. I guess.

      • August 7, 2009 6:23 pm

        I mean, I didn’t even know about Television without Pity so yeah, I think it’s smart to mention that stuff. It’s not like you’re forcing people to do it, yanno?

      • bookslide permalink*
        August 7, 2009 6:27 pm

        TV w/o Pity is awesome. I ❤ Jacob. Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who recaps, whee!

        Heh, yeah, I'm not. I was thinking "How could I even do that–oh yeah, I guess I could say I won't do another recap until people ___." But how crappy would that be?

        I'm grateful to the two people who've bought stuff through my Amazon Affiliates thing, but it's certainly not a prereq for enjoying the blog. It's just incidental. As is this comment, I suppose.

  2. August 16, 2009 3:37 pm

    I just wanted to comment and say I’ve been reading (and loving) your recaps and do think you’d be awesome recapping when the show starts. Although I kinda think the show’s going to be a different tone of crap than the books. I went to TWOP to see where I could suggest you but I didn’t see an email for that. In the contacts section they only have emails for if the site goes haywire or if you want to talk to the recappers.

    If you find one I’d totally suggest you though. You’ve got the right amount of snark – I can’t stand the recappers on there that are actually NICE in their recaps the whole time. What’s the point of that?

    • bookslide permalink*
      August 16, 2009 5:01 pm

      Aww, thanks, Alexis! I really appreciate your comment and I’m glad you like the recaps.

      This is the only email addy I think might work, from what they suggest: TWoPeditorial@nbcuni.com

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