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The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle, Part 11: Dog deng

September 16, 2009

Seriously, I will recap this just to keep putting off reading Chosen.  That book is…well, I’ll tell you about it if I make it all the way through.

salmacro

I am so psyched to meet Baby Sal this weekend.  And no, he was not named for the Brothers Vamp.

~*Elena*~’s rescuer is, of course, Damon, because it gives her more to hide from her boyfriend.  She is charmed by him, as always, but reminds herself that he’s a predator, and darn good at it.  GET A FUCKING STAKE, GIRLFRIEND.  But he LIIIIKES her, she thinks, and if ~*Elena*~ has a kryptonite, it’s being admired by men.   She couldn’t pull away from this conversation if she wanted to, vamp powers or no vamp powers.

Damon is in one of his reasonable moods, which makes me want to like him again, but then again he says “Queen of Shadows” (as in, “I want to make you my Queen of Shadows,” which sounds like a shitty Goth pick-up line) so I’m conflicted.  ~*Elena*~ might dig that sort of thing, though, if she weren’t covered in vervain.

He doesn’t even flip out on her for that.  He’s so ~*unknowable*~, guys.  He could change on a dime!  He’s mercurial!  And hot!  That makes him the perfect man!  Especially since he can kill you and is a sociopath!  Cullen who?

He casually suggests that all problems in the world are Stefan’s fault, and ~*Elena*~ is like “It’s not his fault that my journal was stolen!” except…okay, it’s not.  We need to put that blame where it belongs, on Caroline, but ~*Elena*~ DOES believe that what’s written in there will condemn Stefan.  Because public opinion in the dinky town of Fell’s Church, VA, matters so much in this damn world.   Because ~*Elena*~ couldn’t, IDK, test out and get her GED and move on with her life.

But that’s not the point.  The point is that Damon wants her, and he’s decided that blackmail is the way to do it.  He says he’ll have her, and promises the diary in return for her blood.  “A little song, a little dance…”  Okay, he doesn’t say that, but I like Batman.

She’s appalled.  ~*Elena*~?  A whore?  But she has high standar—oh wait.  But she has plans for her life, really impressive pl—oh wait.  She gets mad at him and, as people often do, jumps off a fucking roof to prove her anger.  But Damon’s a vampire so he rescues her.  Then he snuggles her for a second and tosses them both over the side.  Oh okay.  Not really sure what he’s doing there, except maybe getting her to snuggle too for a second?  I mean, you could say he wanted to prove to her she didn’t want to die, but it’s all too fast for that.  So maybe he just wanted to get off the roof.  The conversation was pretty much a wash, anyway.  He reminds her of his “proposition” and heads off into the night.

NOW SHE SUDDENLY WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM.  I don’t get it.  The book even says flat out it’s not his Powers, but rather their attraction.

I LOVE GUYS WHO JUMP OFF ROOFS WITH ME TOO.  Actually, it worked for Logan Huntzberger, why wouldn’t it work for Damon Smith/Salvatore?

loganI think it might’ve been his pretty face, though, not his willingness to jump, Jack.

Damon then turns into a crow (er, I mean “the darkness was taking him back into itself”) and flies away.  Mr. Forbes throws something at him.  Sometimes I want to, too.  But this conversation was reasonable, and I’m a sucker for reasonable Damon, although Dick Damon can DIAF.

*

Bonnie is all “OMGWTFBBQ” and ~*Elena*~–wait for it–LIES (gasp).  Meredith reminds her that she has two weeks to find the diary and ~*Elena*~ says “I’ll think of something.”

GOSH IT’S LIKE SHE’S TRAPPED BY HER OWN INABILITY TO LEAVE THE FUCKING TOWN OF FELL’S CHURCH.

*

Back at school, that place where they only have one class, ~*Elena*~ is elected The Spirit of Fell’s Church.  Everyone’s still mad at her, though, for dating a supposed murderer and being a narcissistic ass who’s finally getting hers, socially, as if they couldn’t have turned against her in a group a long time ago, you petty stupid one-dimensional fuckers.  (Sorry, I hit the R rating again, didn’t I?)  Speaking of one-dimensional, Tyler and Dick are there, which means Vickie shows up too, being all weird, the way she gets nowadays.  She ignores Dick and goes straight for Tyler, proving that she is indeed crazy.  She starts, like, seducing him as much as is allowed in this PG-rated piece of…狗屎.  (I like Batman and Firefly.  Also, I hope I got that right.)  Then she like growls and tries to bite him.  Alaric rushes in and calls it epilepsy–Alaric would do well on Buffy–and Stefan tries to whammy her, which starts to work at first but then not at all.

Unlike in real life (where we were just sent into another classroom for a while), “epilepsy” results in school being out.  ~*Elena*~ and Stefan walk to the boarding house, where they can go and not have sex, and Stefan gives us–I mean her a rundown on Vickie’s ability to be all whammied and how she’s enthralled (presumably by Damon) and whatnot.  ~*Elena*~ guesses that Stefan couldn’t fully whammy Vickie because he’s weak and needs hu-mon blood.  ~*Elena*~, of course, offers hers, because it’s the only thing like sex she’s going to get in this series, and Stefan reminds her that he can’t because it’s totally unsafe and she’ll end up vamped or drained (which are pretty much Vickie’s choices too at this point).  ~*Elena*~ is pushing for vamp sex (vex?  no, that doesn’t work–help me out here) because she’s feeling guilty about her attraction to Damon.

IN REAL LIFE, AS IN THIS BOOK, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.  I HOPE EVERYONE REALIZES THIS.

When he turns her down (Cullen who?), she feels awful.  ~*Elena*~ not being validated is so, so tragic guys.

And that’s chapter eleven.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. September 16, 2009 2:53 pm

    Thanks for brightening up my day 🙂 Excellent post as usual.

    Btw, I was wondering what Chosen was (I thought it was the NW book The Chosen) so I clicked on that link…and I read the first chapter…and…well…let’s just say that I woke up this morning thinking I’m a no-talent loser and I shouldn’t bother writing my own fiction, but that chapter gave me hope that I, too, can be published one day.

    Was that thing for real? It sounded like an 11-year-old’s diary entry. I’m confused. I thought you had to write well to be published.

    • bookslide permalink*
      September 16, 2009 4:17 pm

      Yeah, IDK what’s up with Chosen. The first one was good, and the second one was pretty filler, but this one…oh, this one. It hurts me inside.

      • September 16, 2009 5:05 pm

        The weird vocabulary, I guess it’s technically “teen speak”, really threw me off. I kept reading to see if it would get better but it didn’t. It just got worse.

      • bookslide permalink*
        September 16, 2009 5:19 pm

        It’s almost like an adult’s idea of how teens speak…but my daughter’s only twelve and Kristin Cast is at least a few years younger than me, so I could be wrong.

  2. September 16, 2009 2:54 pm

    P.S. I love Logan. He was the hottest of Rory’s boyfriends, wasn’t he? 😉

    • bookslide permalink*
      September 16, 2009 4:18 pm

      I’m not really a pretty-boy kind of girl, but he was quite the charmer. I loved Marty. Too bad he didn’t last.

    • bookslide permalink*
      September 16, 2009 4:18 pm

      Also, I liked Logan more than Tristan, but Tristan might be the prettier of the two.

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