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Zoey Fools Around, Part 4

November 6, 2009

[Editor’s note: As always, brought to you by Sarah.]

Imagine a movie montage done to Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out (for the Summer)” played backwards. That seems to pretty much be what’s going on here.

Poor Zoey wakes up in Hell. Not only is it 6:21 in the morning, she also has to suffer the indignity of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” Call me crazy, but I think an eternity of being buried to the neck in ice and having hail fall on you would be infinitely preferable to Whitney’s version of that song. Dolly Parton did it first an best. Accept no imitations.  Anyway, Zoey muses on how life-altering being a senior will be. She wonders if it will make her hair easier to manage.

Nina wakes up to “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns n’ Roses. Poor soul. There are only two G n’ R songs I have heard that I’ve liked and I can’t even remember what the names are. [Editor’s note: I’m just going to assume one is Mr. Brownstone.]  Hmph. Anyway, it’s 6:25 and Nina is trying to psych her self up for school. She imagines Claire will break up with Benjamin and Benjamin will turn to her. She thinks about Lucas being back. Then, she decides it’s totally not worth it and consoles herself with an unlit cigarette.

Benjamin rises to Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony. He takes a shower and thinks about the fact that he has no idea what he looks like. He decides it doesn’t matter because he’s a senior.

Claire wakes up vaguely disturbed by a half-remembered dream. She goes up to the widow’s walk to admire the clouds and notes that it will be a perfectly clear day. She wonders what her reaction to Lucas will be and is briefly worried she might still have feeling for him. She puts these thought out of her head and muses that things will work out the way she wants them to because they always do.

Kalif wakes Aisha up by screaming that the house is on fire. Kalif is very lucky that Aisha didn’t rip his arms off for that little stunt. She debates breakfast vs. taking a shower and decides that everyone will notice if her hair is unwashed, so she opts for shower-time.

Jake, like Nina, awakens to “Welcome to the Jungle.” He is very pleased by this for some strange reason. Yes, I REALLY hate that song. [Editor’s note: D:]  He then stretches, does fifty situps, seventy-five crunches, and some more stretches. He’s pretty sure he’ll make the football team again and decides he’ll wake up a half-houur ealier to get in more exercise time.  Then he goes for a run.

Lucas has been up since 6 am because that was the routine at YA. He stands on his deck with a cup of coffee ogling the Passmore abode, wishing he could see Zoey.


The Pullaways (it’s like the opposite of CASTAWAY! HAHA!!! AREN’T I WITTY??) are on the ferry. Nina is told that her unlit cigarettes won’t be welcome at school. Did you know that they used to have smoking areas in high school? My mom told me this and I think it’s so odd, how rules and ideas of what’s appropriate change with the times. Nina says that since it’s unlit, it doesn’t count. I have to disagree with that. She apparently just leave the cigs on the ground and who knows how many high school hooligans have lighters!

Anywho, Jake sees Lucas and completely loses his shit, over-speaking insults at Lucas and trying to get Zoey involved in his passive-aggressive douchery. He claims that Lucas should swim to school and Benjamin kind of mocks his manly machismo by suggesting he just beat the hell out of Lucas and get it all over with. Jake claims he doesn’t want to screw up his eligibility for football. Apparently he has no compunction about ruining his eligibility for flaming Assjerk (TM my grandmother) of the Year award and drags Zoey for the specific purpose of invading Lucas’ personal space. Jake demands that Lucas movve his feet. Lucas does so. Then, Jake starts making out with Zoey.  Then he drops his pants and wiggles his ass in Lucas’ face (Uh, no he does not! The whole thing just seemed so attention-whorey that it made me think of mating rituals in the animal kingdom. You can understand my confusion, right?).

Jake gives Lucas a nasty look and tells him that nobody likes him and that he should just go eat worms (well, no, but it’s pretty much the same maturity level).  Zoey is just there feeling very awkward and probably wishing she had the ovarian fortitude to shove Joke off the damned ferry and be done with his idiocy.

Lucas then basically tells Jake that he might as well just hit him and get it over with, so Jake punches him in the stomach and then in the face. Then, he starts dancing around in a pugilistic manner, because he is an awesome manly man who hit a guy who wasn’t doing anything…or something. Skipper Too (whose name is actually Tom) tells Joke to knock it off or he’ll be banned from the boat.

Zoey goes to help Lucas, the Pullaways (Minus Zoey) are all shocked and appalled by this, despite the fact that they’ve known Zoey for years and this is the exact type of romance novel shit that revs her engine. Jake demands that Zoey leave Lucas to bleed and Lucas tells her to leave and she’s just so into being the savior of the wounded hero that she tells her stupid excuse of a boyfriend to go away

The  Pullaways (Minus Zoey) leave and Zoey sees Claire put an arm around Joke and feels very alone.

Next up: Aisha and Christopher face off at another one of his jobs, the Pullaways eat lunch, and Zoey makes yet another list.
See ya then!

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