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The Vampire Diaries: The Fury, Part 1: So far, ehhhhh

December 14, 2009

I told myself I was going to ease into The Fury, the third book in the Vampire Diaries “trilogy.”  (Later, I may argue that the series should’ve stayed a trilogy–and, in fact, every memory in my head says YES ARGUE THAT NOW, but I’ve changed my mind on a lot of things during the rereading and recapping of this series, so I’m not going to lock myself into a grown-up/rereader’s opinion now.)  The first chapter is only a few pages long, so I told myself, “Self, you can do it.  It’s only ten pages.”  (Also, I may have said, “Self, you can do it.  It’s only ten pages” and Liss, who was on AIM with me when I was typing this to myself like a lunatic, cheered me on.)  In fact, the book begins on page three, so it’s really LESS than ten pages.  It’s about seven pages.

I can handle seven pages, to begin with.  On very little sleep.  Unable to find the headphones for my laptop, and with my daughter playing the same three songs over and over and over and over again in the next room.  (In case you were wondering: “My Immortal,” Freezepop covering the Jem theme song, and the singer Jem–not the cartoon singer, but that chick, Jem–doing “Save Me”. I could live without the first two; I just don’t like the cover and I really could happily live the rest of my life without Evanescence.  But I am saddened that she is ruining Jem for me.  Jem is really cool!)

(Why don’t I use some more parentheses?)

(Okay, I think I will.)

(I am going to bed SO early tonight.)

When last we left Our Heroine, ~*Elena*~ Gilbert, she’d come upon her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s brother fighting in the woods.  About her death.  See, ~*Elena*~ died.  She drowned.  But, unbeknownst to her boyfriend but knownst to us–who gets the reference?–, ~*Elena*~ had been swapping bodily fluids with the brother.  Don’t be dirty, sick-minded readers, I’m ONLY talking blood.  Except that the taking of blood is, of course, a sexual metaphor, so never mind, be as dirty and sick-minded as you want.

~*Elena*~ had enough blood in her from the Brothers Salvatore to change to a vampire after her unfortunate demise.  We are learning things about vampires by leaps and bounds in this first chapter, which for the first page or so just goes over what was happened last time–ah, a recapper’s joy.  Less work to do.  In the woods, brothers fighting, check.  What we are learning is that a newly-turned vampire has very little sense of their previous selves.  Also, for some reason, they are suddenly in love with someone else.

It’s obviously a little trick here, to give us a moment of “What WOULD it be like if ~*Elena*~ and Damon were together?”  But what I suppose I didn’t remember when I was young was that ~*Elena*~was basically turned by Damon’s blood–or at least his was in her system last, if I remember correctly)–so her being sort of imprinted to him is somewhat understandable.  At the time, when I was fourteen, I think I just thought, “…FINALLY!”

So yeah, the book is like blah blah blah, this one has black hair and black eyes, and this one has black hair and green eyes, and this one is taller, and this one is shorter, and ~*Elena*~ is all “HIM HIM HIM HE HIM.”  This is, of course, Damon, so she steps into the fight to protect him, and throws down with Stefan.  She is disconnected from the why of her new strength, but she is frustrated by her inability to use her new teeth correctly.  Stefan easily overpowers her, and throws her down to the ground, with him on top of her, of course.  I’m sure this is all very titillating if you’re fourteen.  (Which I guess would be eleven or twelve in 2009 years.)  Stefan is about to kill her when he realizes who his attacker really is.  D’oh!  It’s his girlfriend!  She’s alive!

He says her name, and she doesn’t even recognize it.  She looks to Damon and he’s frowning.  Remember, he’s just been told she’s dead-deadski.  ~*Elena*~ thinks he’s worried about her, so she tries to prove her worth by attacking Stefan again.  He tries to get her out of what he believes is a daze–um, obviously he isn’t thinking too straight himself, because it’s only when he sees her new set of chompers that he realizes what’s happened.

He’s devastated, of course.  Not that that makes any sense–he’s freakin’ IN LOVE WITH HER, so what ELSE could they do?  Don’t get me wrong, it was ridiculous when Bella was all “Turn me, I’m a day older than you!”, but how did he think their story was going to end?  He’s as dumb as she was, with her “We’re going to get MARRIED” bullshit.  WHO WAS GOING TO MARRY YOU AND ALL,–argh, you know what?  I’ve been through this.  Let’s get some NEW rage going for once.  Let’s check back in with Stefan.

Yes, he’s being a big bitch.  He’s decided to let ~*Elena*~ kill his pathetic vampy ass.  He psychically tells her to end it, end him.

~*Elena*~’s old memories start to come back, but not enough to stop her.  Trying to access them is difficult, so she gives up and dwells on how she and Damon are, like, totes meant to be together, like Edward Cullen and 47% of the women in America.

So what happens next?  Stefan wants to die.  Damon was just FIGHTING HIM TO DEATH.

So of course Damon stops ~*Elena*~ from killing him.

Bwuh?

I wish this book would make sense.  And we’re only on page 8.  Oh, it’s going to be a looooong 16 chapters.

One very tiny point in Damon’s favor, he at least lets ~*Elena*~ bite the heck out of Stefan first.

Look, there’s really only one thing here that’s anywhere near sane: to stay in character, Damon would have to be taking immense satisfaction out of the whole situation, and wants to perpetuate Stefan’s pain a bit longer.  IF THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN IN THE SECOND CHAPTER, I’MA CUT A BITCH.  No, no, it’s okay, it’s gotta happen.  Why else would he stop her?  Even though he doesn’t know yet that she’s luuuuurves him.

~*Elena*~’s sloppy with her biting, but she gets a little damage done.  Actually, the way it’s described, it’s quite graphic, not so much the cute little punctures or sucked-on scratches of earlier.  She’s doing quite a bit of tearing.  I hope this looks damn good on the show if it happens.  (I’m still not watching the show yet; don’t spoil me, bro.)  And by “good,” I mean DISGUSTING.  Maybe not True Blood level of disgusting, but, you know, like a really isshy episode of Buffy.

~*Elena*~ is sulky but obedient.  Huh, that’s the first time she’s been obedient in this whole damn series.  And it’s to DAMON, not Aunt Judith.  Sigh.

Damon looks to Stefan for answers, who mopey-bitches that, okay, he was, like, TECHNICALLY right, yes?  She IS dead.  In that undead way.  Damon goes to feel her teeth and she nips at him “like a kitten”–ugh, Katherine, the tiger declawed by all her power, what a sad place for this to go to–and he asks if she knows where she is.  She sees the trees and makes an educated guess, all smug about it too.  Hey, if I smack her now, it’s okay, right, cuz she has superstrength so it wouldn’t be like ACTUALLY hitting someone, right?  She also states, “indifferently,” that the other dude is Stefan, but HE is Damon, her lurrrrrrve.

And thus the chapter ends.

Yeahhhh.  Give a gal some power, and make her a soppy little love slave.  Thanks a lot, Ms. Smith.

Next up: I dunno, I’m not reading ahead so far.  Too depressing tonight.

Off to bed.

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