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Zoey Fools Around, Part 5

January 31, 2010

As always, recap by the lovely guest poster Sarah, with comments in brackets by your lovely editor.  We’re all lovely here at Bookslide.  Especially Liss.

Zoey and Aisha are in gym class learning about soccer. Well, sort of. They’re talking about The Ferry Incident and Aisha thinks that Joke and Zoey to kiss and make up already because the Island Division is making Aisha uncomfy. (Very sensitive, Aisha.)  Coach Anders seems very big on FUN-DA-MENTALS and tells them that just because they are now high and mighty seniors that it’s no reason to be above playing with balls. (Yeah, I went there.) Don’t think too lowly of me because when the coach asks where her balls are; the class dissolves into giggles.

Coach Anders calls for her assistant, and who should it be but The Shupe?  He decides to ask Zoey for help demonstrating how to do the whole soccer thing and Zoey is horrible embarrassed and tries to pawn off the demonstration on Aisha. Christopher declines claiming that Aisha’s feet are too big. Aisha is embarrassed and tries to defend  her foot size and falls into Christopher’s trap by accidentally volunteering for the intramural soccer team.

Zoey and Nina are eating lunch. Nina is totally pulling a Kristy Thomas and talking shit about the lunch while others are trying to eat it. Classy. Nina and Zoey talk about what happened on the ferry and says that Zoey has to make a choice. Aisha is all full of sound and fury over Christopher’s total pwnage of her in gym class. Aisha rails that some girl named Toni started calling her Big Foot and Aisha nipped it in the bud by threatening to tell people that Toni slept with some guy named George. High school social politics for the win!

Aisha finally stops and asks if Zoey is bummed about betraying her ~one twoo wub~ for the bleeding bad boy and Aisha says very practically that Zoey will have to pick a side and stay there. Zoey claims that it’s not that easy.  (Um, Zoey? Have you met your boyfriend. Trust me, girlfriend. It really is that easy.)

Zoey notices Lucas and completely starts to lose her shit when Nina jokingly suggests she invite Lucas to their lunch table and then freaks out at thee prospect of talking to Jake and Aisha and Nina suggest she go for smoochies.

Chapter The Fourteenth

Zoey is walking home with Benjamin. Zoey brings up the fact that Burke offered to pay for Benjamin’s college tuition. Benjamin confirms this  and says that Burke thinks he’ll be easier to control than another son-in-law. When Zoey  asks if this bothers him; Benjamin says he can’t take Burke seriously and asks if Zoey thinks he would be easy to control.

Zoey goes up to her room and thinks about Jake and Lucas and makes a list. She compares Jake to Lucas and most of it’s superficial stuff, but she stops when she thinks about how they make her feel. Jake makes her feel safe and she can’t describe the way Lucas makes her feel. (She feels safe with a guy who was so out of control he attacked a guy in public. Huh.) Zoey decides she’ll apologize to Jake for defending the guy he wanted to beat to a pulp. She’s confident that she made the right choice and things will go back to normal. Anyone care to take bets on how long that will last?

Claire is in therapy, telling her dreams to Dr. Kendall. Dr. Kendall loves dreams and believes everything has a deep-seated, psychological meaning. Therapists like this are so irritating. Claire tells the good doctor that she’s sorry she doesn’t have any kinky dreams to share. Claire is not in therapy because of the accident, but because her mother died. Claire’s dream is that she was in the car, only in the dream it wasn’t a car, but a lobster. Lucas and Wade were with her and Lucas tried to grab the wheel away from her-

Dr. Kendall gloms on to this. Claire corrects herself and continues, saying that she saw Benjamin actually looking at her with disappointment in his eyes.

Claire asks what this means and is disappointed when Dr. Kendall says that it could be the result of eating a lobster. Claire suggests that because she had a wacky dream she might be crazy. Dr. Kendall says that Claire is remarkably well-adjusted. Dr. Kendall has no clue that Claire is passively suicidal. Therapy only helps if you tell the therapist everything, Claire Bear.

Claire takes a cue from Zoey and waffles on whether to continue the therapy sessions. Dr. Kendall says that she can keep coming if she feels lonely, but that she may never remember the details of the accident. Claire insists that she isn’t lonely, but a loner. Dr. Kendall says that there’s nothing wrong with that. Claire decides that she’ll do weekly appointments, claiming that it’ll be easier to remember to keep them.

Zoey heads to Joke’s to make amends for showing some kindness to his mortal enemy. Joke is his usual jerky self and is all snotty to her. Zoey explains that she hates violence and it was her first instinct to help someone who was hurt. Jake claims that Lucas wasn’t hurt. Zoey points out that Lucas’s nose was bloody. Joke rants that if he had wanted to hurt Lucas, he would have smacked him around with his penis, because he is big strong man! GROG! (Okay, he doesn’t actually say that, but there’s definitely a vibe.) [Uh-huh.] Jake admits he felt jealous of Lucas and for some reason Zoey thinks this is awesome. Zoey tells him that Nina said they were the couple everybody looks up to.

Jake tells Zoey he has to make sure that she’s on his side, and Zoey agrees. Jake promises not to fight, but does not promise to leave Lucas alone.

Dear Acheron Hades,
As an ardent admirer of your work, I would greatly appreciate it if you would kill Jake McRoyan, as he is a ginormous douchebag.
Love and snuggles,

Hand-written thingy: Zoey –

This is a sample of Zoey’s delightfully cheesy unfinished romance novel:

Chapter 24
…and with a roar, the white knight swung his gleaming broadsword, shattering the shield in Sir Luke’s hand and knocking him to the ground.

Yes, Dear Reader, Zoey has written a ham-fisted metaphor about her boyfriend waggling his dick at Lucas. “Gleaming broadsword?” Could that be any more phallic?

Next up: Zoey and Aisha get caught passing notes in class and Zoey starts her plan of ignoring Lucas by taking him to Mickey D’s and making out with him.

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