Oh God, please no.
I stopped reading Sweet Valley High somewhere in the 70s, I think, which would’ve made me all of thirteen. Yes, at thirteen, Sweet Valley High was too unsophisticated for me, despite the constant threats of rape from Bruce Patman and everyone who lived on the wrong side of the tracks, and blah blah Regina died blah blah.
I remember when Sweet Valley University came out, I thought I’d give it a chance, and I think I lasted all of six books. It didn’t feel right. It seemed like someone was just using the characters to play out random dramas, rather than give the readers something that made sense, especially character-wise.
You know what else doesn’t make sense? The first chapter of the new Sweet Valley Confidential book, which you can get by signing up here: http://www.sweetvalleytenyearslater.com/ I’d avoid it like the plague, though, because the phrase “I need brain bleach” will immediately come to mind when you hear about Liz’s weepy orgasms and how she’s now bffs with her former would-be rapist.
If that weren’t enough, the writing is just plain godawful. If ever we needed a decent ghostwriter, it would be now. Every paragraph is awkward and over-detailed, with the pathetic name-dropping that’s supposed to make it sound “hip” but really just makes me feel like the book was started back in 2002. The book also begins with Liz, the character who has, upon review, become the least sympathetic; her twin may be a sociopath, but at least she’s interesting and rarely as condescending as her irritating, irritating sister. Perhaps Liz’s loneliness is supposed to make us feel she’s had her comeuppance, but it doesn’t. Not at all.
I always knew I wasn’t a die-hard fan, and this sort of puts a nail in that coffin. I might read the book when it comes out, but forget spending money on it.