The Vampire Diaries: The Fury, Part 11: I’ve never tried blogging while drinking, but I have this pill here…
Seriously. I’m on this knock-out pill for dizziness that I swore I wouldn’t take again, until my doctor suggested cutting it in half and trying that instead. So my head already feels heavy. Maybe in an altered state, I’ll enjoy this book!
…Oh God, I’ve already corrected two typos in the previous paragraph. This is going to be FUN. And by fun I mean, hopefully amusing for other people. My head’s already resting against the headboard like it’s a pillow. It is NOT a pillow and um…it’ll probably hurt later. But not now. So that’s something.
When last we left Our Heroine, she was about to reveal herself to the men who had set a trap for her celibate boyfriend. Except not, because before she decides to do something really stupid, Alaric comes up and defuses the whole situation. Rather bumblingly, but he does it. He tells the Mad Dads that he hasn’t had enough time to assure that Stefan was the attacker. In fact, Meredith points out, doesn’t Damon Smith look a lot like Stefan Salvatore? “Who’s Damon Smith?” everyone wonders. INDEED.
The Mad Dads are all “There’s a wolf!” and Alaric’s like, “A wolf? I saw a dog, probably a rabid dog.” I swear to God, I cannot stop reading his dialogue in an English accent–and, of course, not just any English accent. He gets a few smooth points, like second season Angel rather than first season Angel. Well, until you get to his backstory, which is dorky as can be and only reaffirms my internal casting. Sometimes I wonder if Joss Whedon read these books at some point. I mean, I hope not, for his sake and all, but still.
Other things that happen: Stefan’s pretty injured, and he’s confused over his brother’s help. Meredith says that these wouldn’t be the first vampire attacks, as–dun dun DUNNNN–her grandfather was attacked years ago. Caroline must’ve heard it somewhere, so obviously Mr. Forbes can confirm, making him seem like an even bigger jerk.
Yup, I think that’s it. See, I’m doing okay so far.
~*Elena*~ berates Stefan for not feeding. He says he will, but “later.” Since “later” isn’t a specific time, ~*Elena*~ realizes she’s been semi-tricked. WTF, Stefan, JUST EAT. If Meredith or Bonnie or whoever say it’s okay, it’s even VEGAN. God, you whiner.
They all go to the history room, all dark and weird. You ever wander around your high school at night when everyone’s gone? Creepy. Alaric gets everyone settled in and says one of Wesley’s catchphrases: “Well.” (If he said “Quite” next, we’d have a lawsuit on our hands, but alas, he does not.) Stefan gets on his case about how he obviously wasn’t a history teacher–hey, he could’ve been! but, you know, just a really bad one–and Alaric admits that no, he’s a psychologist. The research-y, keep-publishing-or-you’ll-never-get-tenure kind. A research psychologist from Duke, which I suppose makes sense. He studies the psychological effects of psychic phenomena–or rather, he would have if he’d found anything but fakes. But then he was pointed in the right direction, and once he knew what to look for, he found people. People like Meredith’s grandfather.
See, the reason Meredith knew who he was is because she’d met him before–she didn’t remember at first, but he was someone who came to visit her grandfather in the mental hospital, which has been a long-held family secret. This was when she was still in middle school, so her memory was a bit fuzzy. He remembers her as a girl with, uh, previously skinny legs. This does not please Bonnie, who would not mind spending some time with him and his Zener cards. (They call them “Rhine cards” in the book. I mean, I sort of see why, but it’s still inaccurate.)
But anyway, he’d never SEEN a vampire till he’d come to Fell’s Church, and now he has. So now he’s an authority who actually has clocked field time, and is feeling a little smarmy about it till they ask about his hand-waving at the dog freakout. He was trying to cast some spell, and they all pretty much roll their eyes at him. They’re not in the Night World, you know.
So anyway, he was asked to come out here and even though he was completely without experience (but WITH published monographs!), he was psyched–heh–to do it. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize he was signing up to be Alaric Saltzman, Vampire Hunter, so he had to, uh, bluff.
They tease him about ~*Elena*~ having been up in his attic while he was nattering on about “lairs,” and rightly so. He tells them he definitely didn’t know about the set-up and Stefan tells him to choose a side. He chooses the side with the supernatural creatures, of course, because it’s more interesting. Wouldn’t you?
They want him to stall any more hypnosis sessions with the attack victims, and also try to put the kibosh on the upcoming dance. He’s not sure about that second one, because the principal is determined to go on with business as usual. He also points out, QUITE CLEVERLY, that ~*Elena*~ seems to be the one the attacks are centered around: HER boyfriend, HER sister, HER funeral, HER car over the Winter River Waverly Bridge. Gosh, maybe she should get out of town?
But no, because ~*Elena*~ doesn’t even acknowledge the existence of towns outside of Fell’s Church and, after all, what can anyone else do besides the Vampire Trio of Annoyingness? Wave their hands? She’s not wrong, but she isn’t RIGHT, either. But Stefan makes her promise to attempt that outside world, since their cover’s been half-blown anyway. She agrees (I wonder if she’ll take it back later?) and they make a plan for the night of the dance, which includes hiding in the history room in case anything happens.
It all winds up with a blast from the past: ~*Elena*~ asks Alaric about the mindset of former victims. Why? OH, YEAH, REMEMBER MATT?
Yeah, I barely did either. And that’s not the half-a-pill speaking.
Next up: probably a dance. There’s one at least every book.
Oh, by the way, see if you’re psychic, and let me know: http://www.hexatron.com/psi/index.html?