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The Vampire Diaries, Dark Reunion Part 7

July 7, 2011

When last we left our Replacements–oh, who knows anymore?

Stefan’s low expectations of his infantile brother are firmly in place when they meet up in Vickie’s backyard.  Damon’s low expectations of his brother’s monstrousness are firmly in place when he sneers at Stefan’s eating habits: bunny.  Stefan’s already psyched himself up to halfway-annoyed, so it’s a simple step to fully annoyed once his brother starts speaking.  “Talking with [Damon] was like walking between land mines.”  Look, Stef, it’s the vampire thing.  If you’d had a toddler at any point, he’d be easier to predict.  Well, maybe a nine-year-old, twelve at most, with all those emerging hormones and temper tantrums.  For instance, Damon flips when Stefan tries to thank him for his help.  Stefan, who can be godawfully dim, even realizes that Damon is being contrary when he flies off in a huff.

He decides to mentally drop the sibling rivalry and focus on the other vampire(?) problem at hand.  He feels like Vickie’s description’s ringing a bell, but the bell’s so far away even vampire superhearing isn’t helping.  Well, that’s okay.  It gives him time to brood. Oh, ~*Elena*~.  Blah blah shut up, we get it.  I was just reading SVH #24, Memories, where Steven is feeling unbearable guilt for liking Cara (spoiler!) months after Tricia’s death (double spoiler!).  Even HIS constant whining doesn’t annoy me as much as Stefan’s.  Maybe because I’ve invested years in this series, years of being annoyed at ~*Elena*~ and Stefan.  Like Stefan, I work myself up ahead of time.  STOMP STOMP ROAR ROAR OMG SHUT UP.

I suppose this is necessary recap for a 4th book in a series, but MY GOD.  Grow up!  You’re like 400 years old and you’re almost as stunted as your brother.

BLAH BLAH BLAH sex or no sex, the description of Stefan’s expositional pontification about their past could go either way (sorry peeps who surf in with “do elena and stefan have sex” all the time), and then he tries to channel his inner Bonnie and bring ~*Elena*~ to him somehow.

Duh.  It doesn’t work.  You’re no Bonnie, Stefan.

Speaking of, change of scene.  Stefan is now with our resident Magical Girl, and her sidekick, Seldom-Seen Snarker, and I’m going to ignore the side comments about how it’s ALL FOR ~*ELENA*~’S WONDERFUL MEMORY and just stick to the plot: he wants a history of the area.  Ugh, there’s a description about how Bonnie’s so pretty and–wait, smart?  SMART?  This is Bonnie, right?  She of the crap grades and the dimness.  Oh well.  I guess when you gain magical powers, you somehow raise your beauty and intelligence stats as well.

As well you should, Meredith suggests the library.  Bonnie suggests Honoria Fell, and Stefan’s like “What?” but she means the diary, which is, you know, right out there in the public with ~*Elena*~’s.  Stefan is understandably upset about his personal life being on display.  He decides they should go now, while everything’s closed, and Meredith refuses to go with him and suggests that he instead take his partner in bromance, DoorMatt.

Bonnie, as always, is fixated on Damon, but of course Stefan can’t figure his brother out–BIG EYEROLL–and he and his partner in so many things head off to the library.

I’m trying to ignore the fact that a teenage girl’s diary is on display at the local library, a diary that records all her dramatic opinions about some dreamy Italian exchange student.  Why is this library-worthy?  What does anyone gain from reading it?  It’s kinda gross, in my opinion.  I’d be horrified if my old diaries were on display.  But that the amount of ~*Elena*~ worship going on in this town, that behavior like this makes sense.

Smith cuts out the most interesting part of the whole deal, the pioneer days of yore–don’t worry, it’s practically reenacted in one of the Night World books–and instead takes us right to Stefan knowing what’s going on but not telling us in any way.  Well, we’re told that it’s “[a] blood ritual, an obscene initiation.”  But yeah.  That’s it.

We’re told again that Matt is so bitter–how shocking, poor people get bitter faster, and in a less attractive way, although his eyes are compared to ~*Elena*~’s which I guess makes them better than they ever were–and once again, we get those weird indicators of Matt’s poverty: he’s “jingling change in his pocket.”  Who carries change in their pocket?  Poor people.  Because rich people have paper money and cards.  You may think I’m stretching with this one, but after a zillion other indicators, I can’t even pretend this isn’t part of it.  I mean, “jingling change.”  That’s low-class.  You never hear about Stefan and Damon jingling (jingling??) lire in THEIR pockets.  Or florin, whatever.

Anyway, Matt’s being Mr. Bitter-jingling-pants, and Stefan wants to reach out to him and soothe his poor, poor soul, and Matt finally lashes out at him for being ~*Elena*~’s murderer, which Stefan, OF COURSE, cops to, because he’s a moron.  A guilt-obsessed moron.  But there’s more going on here.  Matt’s lost his will to believe in good things, like football players getting the girl, and poor people maybe one day making some money and getting out of their one-horse town, which no one would be surprised to suddenly sprout a college for the sequels.

And then Stefan gives him an inspiration speech not unlike a zillion Buffy speeches afterward: If the world sucks, then all that matters is what we do.  And he awkwardly maneuvers Matt into admitting that he’s still a good guy and he wants to fight.  And there you have it.  Two bros and their common goal to not be evil.  Apparently, this makes Matt’s eyes less ~*Elena*~-like (so…it was a BAD thing?  Weird) and he’s ready to act.  So Stefan sends him to check up on the girls/take the watch on Vickie over, and stays at the library to read up on some dude no one’s ever heard of, from before Stefan’s time either.  Then Matt says he loves him–well, he says “I’m glad you came back”–and they go on their merry ways, both feeling warm fuzzies.

I guess it’s the most we can ask for at this point, other than the end of the chapter and the end of me working on this entry, which probably took a month.  Sorry, y’all.

Next up: Eight more chapters.  Le sigh.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rachel permalink
    July 9, 2011 6:16 am

    Your snarky recaps always make me laugh. Please persevere – I have to know what happens to Mr Bitter-jingling-pants next!

  2. July 10, 2011 9:15 am

    Once I get going, I’m generally okay, but life seriously gets in the way of those starts lately. I work almost an hour away from home and I got married last year and my daughter’s turning fourteen in a month, so it’s like…by the time I wake up, drive almost an hour, go to work, drive almost an hour, spend time with kid and husband…it’s bedtime. Or, if it isn’t bedtime, I just want to catch up on my reading until bedtime. Or fall asleep hours before bedtime because I’m so tired. I can’t wait to move closer to work.

    But anyway, after I wrote the recap, I kept thinking, “Isn’t it JANGLING, not JINGLING?” but then I was reading another book, and there it was: jingling change. I didn’t realize it was a whole EXPRESSION.

    The more you know.

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