Bookslide III

Only four things happen in this chapter: ~*Elena*~ is wrong about where Stefan is, Matt shows up, he figures out where Stefan is, and Stefan is rescued.  And yet somehow, this takes fourteen pages.  So let’s see if there’s something good to mine from all this:

First thing’s first: ~*Elena*~ is wrong.  She’s declared that Stefan is under Wickery Bridge in the water, but Bonnie–HEY, ~*ELENA*~, REMEMBER BONNIE?  THE GIRL WITH THE VISIONS?–says no, that doesn’t feel right.  What does Our Girl do?  Does she listen to the person making sense?  Well, why go with something new when you can go with what you’ve always done?

Bonnie does not, by the way, remember saying that ~*Elena*~ shouldn’t go near the bridge.  So we’re pretty sure now that Bonnie both has powers and is being used by something more powerful than herself.  If we weren’t already.  I forget what we know already.  This chapter is going to confuse me even more in a little bit.

~*Elena*~ wants to go to the bridge by herself, but Bonnie & Meredith are like “Bitch, PLS.”  They climb out the window–wouldn’t want to upset that guy that ~*Elena*~’s ineffectual aunt is dating–and ~*Elena*~ suddenly decides to grab some rope.  Cuz ya never know when you’ll need rope, will you Paul?

~*Elena*~ asks Bonnie on the way there about oak trees.  Bonnie says they’re sacred and powerful.  ~*Elena*~ is now afraid of trees.  (But not vampire boyfriends–chew on that for a little while.)  She warns them of the crow, and Meredith immediately makes the connection to Bonnie’s murdered dog Yangtze.   They make their way to Drowning Creek, which is actually…a river.  Oh okay.

Bonnie, because this is a sequel, brings up what happened last time on the bridge.  How they were chased.  Oh, and then Meredith says “the old man was found with his throat torn open.”  I dunno.  I mean, it sounds like he died.  Did he die?  I keep changing my mind on that one.

Anyway, they wander around, building tension, and Bonnie says again that this isn’t the place.  ~*Elena*~ knows she’s right, “[b]ut part of her was too scared to listen.”  Sigh.

Seriously, I can skip a bunch of this because it’s “OMG WHAT IS THAT IN THE DARK” and “I AM ~*ELENA*~ I WILL SACRIFICE MYSELF BECAUSE IT’S ‘ROMANTIC.’”  ~*Elena*~ sort of reminds me of Celine Dion.  Did you ever read anything by that woman?  Interviews and such?  I envy her ability to see the world through “romance”-tinted classes.  You KNOW that whether her husband beat the cancer or no, it would’ve been a romantic adventure for the two of them–so miraculous, or else so very tragic.  ~*Elena*~’s brain seems to work this way too, but she manages to be way more annoying about it.  More like Celine Dion singing than Celine Dion talking about her life as a woman with 7468 siblings living like Heaven Casteel without the incest-y like relationship with her faux-brother.

Er, getting back to the book, look, it’s Matt!  Matt followed them from ~*Elena*~’s house.  Here’s a fascinating line: “Matt thrust a hand into his pocket, rattling change.”  What is this supposed to tell us?  Matt’s so poor he doesn’t carry around paper money like Stefan would?  (Actually, Stefan has FLORINS, so there.)  I feel this is a code, and that I MAY have broken it, but I’m not sure.  It’s supposed to remind us he’s the lesser of the two or three suitors we have here, maybe.

Again, we have ~*Elena*~ being wrong, wrong, wrong.  She’s angry at him for following her–even though, strength in numbers and all that–and she rationalizes her anger and his presence by reminding herself of the stupid promise.  Look, ~*Elena*~, I’m only going to say this once: it’s not about the bromance.  Matt has feelings for you because it’s been like a month since you–his first serious girlfriend ever–dumped him for Eurotrash who may or may not have committed murder.  Cut the guy some slack, sure, but also: Screw you and your constant sense of denial.  Bonnie had the vision; SHE’S the one who can lead you to Stefan.  Matt has feelings for you, don’t pull this bullshit:

“…[T]he thought of Matt sitting out there in his battered old Ford”–POOR MATT–”probably freezing to death and without any supper…it gave her a strange pang she didn’t want to dwell on.”

Why?  Because it’s called GUILT, ~*Elena*~.  Also, who says “supper”?  She makes him sound like a fucking puppy dog.  Could this character be any more irritating without somehow managing to merge with Bella Swan?  And who says he didn’t have munchies in his car?  And who says he doesn’t have blankets in there for when he sexes up the next girl he dates, because she won’t be oddly sexless?

Anyway, she apologizes to him–too little too late, you monstrous harpy–and, throwing him a bone, she outs Bonnie to him.

Uh…not your fucking place either, lady.

Matt is totally freaked, because he’s Mr Reasonable, but he’s game.  (Matt is the best character in this chapter.  Also the smartest.)  Bonnie starts describing the place again, and mentions the word “tomb,” which gives ~*Elena*~ flashbacks, but it’s Matt who realizes that Stefan is trapped in a well.

Insert your Lassie jokes here, readers.

They determine that the well is probably at a farm closest to where Stefan’s car was found–and by “they,” I still mean Matt–and then there are a couple of descriptive paragraphs of how they get there, and moths in the dark, and hey, Meredith gets to do something: find the covered well.  Everyone moves it together, cuz it’s DARN heavy–hmmm–and YAY (?), there’s Stefan!  The plot can continue!  ~*Elena*~ almost throws herself down the well in her joy–I’m not even kidding–and then Matt makes some AWESOME jokes about Bonnie’s supernatural abilities.

Holy crap, I’m back on Team Matt.  Even though I can’t stop seeing him in my head as a balding teenager.

Anyway, Stefan’s as heavy as the well cover, and they ALL need to pull him out (and we’re told Bonnie is weak and impatient), and then ~*Elena*~ is super upset because Stefan isn’t snuggling her right off the bat.  THAT’S HOW SHE KNOWS HE’S IN A BAD WAY, GUYS.

Mr Reasonable says that Stefan needs to go to a doctor, but we all know that’s a big no-no in vamp stories–unless you’re Nick Knight*–and makes ~*Elena*~ promise that there will be no doctors.  When she does, he passes out “in her arms.”  It has to be in her arms, you see, or else he seems weak, unmanly.

*Did anyone else find it hilarious that the doc and Jean Grey from the X-Men cartoon were the same person?  SCOTT!  JEAN! SCOTT! JEAN! SCOTT! ROCKY!

Oh right, so that’s it.  My recap is blessedly short, and I’m going to take a nap.  You know, like Stefan.